Lord can you hear me now?
So I'm completely suffering from an acute case of "Chinese New Yearitis", where my family won't let me sleep till 5 AM. Couple that with a night out with friends and here I am, listening to Damien Rice, feeling sorry for myself.
Enought of that tho, some thought at this ungodly hour (3 AM):
I am spoiled. I think I need to get unspoiled. I think that all the love that I have in my life has given me a sense that I'm NOT alone in the world, when in actuality, I am. Aren't we all? In the end, I'm responsible for me, and my actions, and my life. I know that I have many loved ones that I'm also responsible to, but just what is my valence for love? For Hate? Have I reached some sort of threshold that even I'm not aware of? Some people make me feel yes, and yet othersmake me feel endless. Thank you for that both of those things... Still though, as my live spans out more and more, sometimes I feel like I just wanna go inside. I just wanna cut it out, start over. Bad poetry pending...
God, that'd be nice wouldn't? Gosh... Also, I wanna be Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes. Or Elmo, YEAH, EVERYONE loves him.
But, if this is life, and all of it's highs and lows, and we do what we want, and then we die, I should really enjoy it and live it while I'm here. And if THAT'S true, I really should sleep more, to live more. I can't spend it waxing poetic about fucking life and love. Or can I? AND I SHOULDN't BE AFRAID TO LOVE AND HATE AND WIN AND LOSE AND FUCKING EAT AND...
God this is asinine.
Good song, " I look to my Eskimo Friend...."
What else. I need to do what I say and say what I do more. I feel that I'm a pleaser, I say no very rarely, and it gets me into trouble. I spread myself too thin, NO, that's a lie. I don't. I mismanage my time, I could absolutely do all of what I wanted if I just managed my time better. I guess this is all a very strange LATE (or just on time) new year's resolution. I mean, it is Chinese New Year's here, and I'm feeling reflective....
Speaking of. I get that "alone in a room full of people" thing a lot here. It could be because I'm the elephant in the room. I dunno, maybe it's a self imposed cage, but then, it's not. Last night, at dinner, the night before at Eden.... I mean, I know I've got things on my mind, but lately, it's just been really about a lot of things. Lots of catalysts play into this of course, the large amount of CARBS I'm ingesting being one of them. :) And, this vagueness is only a teaser, for V. 2.6 due to hit the market Fall of 07...
Some good things. I am blessed and LUCKY to have this time here in Taiwan to see my nephew grow up. He's so cute it's Sick. I want to pimp him out to agencies... my aunt would kill me of course, so. no. I am also blessed to have my friends around here that get me and all my craziness. NO BOOZE? You have to go to the gym NOW? ARE YOU WEARING MAKEUP?! Yes, yes, and *ahem* I have to for the camera. I know. Thank you, bless ya'll.
I bet fucking Elmo doesn't have to wear fucking makeup.
Fruckstops. I'm freekin tired. I guess that's about it for now. thanks for listening, if you did.
If not, a Mo Betta, Mo organized blog next!